Greener’s Top Live Games Part 2

Saturday March 10 2007 Ottawa @ Toronto
 
From 2001 -- 2005 I lived in Ottawa and being a Leafs fan, I often took the battle of Ontario to heart.  Looking back on it, it can sometimes amaze me how many debates, arguments and scenarios for potential violence I have been involved in just due to this rivalry.
 
I was the only person who cheered for the Leafs at my place of work and without fail, every season I would endure endless taunts and ribbings from my Senators fans co-workers.  What made the constant “Leafs suck” bearable was that I ultimately was able to throw everything they said to me all year long back at them with a healthy dose of malice and vengeance when the Sens would fall to the Leafs in the playoffs.  One year I made my Senator loving co-worker wear a Maple Leafs jersey at work for the entire day after he lost a bet that the Sens would prevail and win game 7.  Patrick Lalime will always hold a special place in my heart for allowing Joe Nieuwendyk to score two goals that would seal the series for the Leafs and reward me with my own personal victory.
 
During one Battle of Ontario I took a limo with some friends out to the Corel Centre (it was not Scotia Bank Place then) for a regular season tilt and had to ride with a guy who tattooed a Maple Leafs logo and the Stanley Cup on his torso with “1967″ on the left side and an open space where the next cup year would be stenciled onto his skin.  It was one of the worst tattoos I had ever seen.  The person who did the tattoo had to be drunk as the Stanley Cup was so warped it looked like Picasso tried to paint it from beyond the grave.  This Leafs fan was undoubtedly one of the most unstable human beings I had ever met and I did not stick around when he would try and bait Senators fans to fight him. Leafs fan or not, I was not sticking my neck out for a dude that was clearly a few cards short of a full deck.
 
Before the final Leafs visit to Ottawa in 2003, I went to buy a Leafs ball cap and happened to walk into a store that had a burly member of the Hell’s Angels purchasing every piece of Leafs memorabilia they had.  When he saw me trying on Leafs caps he insisted on buying it for me.  I tried to tell him that while I was thankful, his offer was not necessary but he would not back down from buying me the cap.  After a few minutes of the Hell’s Angels member insisting to buy a cap for a fellow Leafs fan and me not wanting to owe an outlaw biker anything, I had to relent when his girlfriend saddled up to da’ Missus and me and whispered “just let him buy the cap”.  I hate to think what would of happened if I was trying on Senators caps that day (not that it would ever happen).
 
Another year I had a fight with a customer at my office because I had a Maple Leafs calendar at my desk and he insisted I take it down.  I refused and told him that seeing I must of missed the memo that made him the supreme ruler of the free world, if I were to take down the calendar, the only other place I would put it was right up is pompous derriere.  Although I later took serious flak from my manager, the look on the guy’s face was well worth it. 
 
In March of 2005, da’ Missus and I packed our bags and moved to Toronto.  And all those past little episodes would pale in comparison to what happened when my brother-in-law Joe and I went to the ACC on March 10 2007 to watch another installment of the Battle of Ontario.
 
Joe, his wife and their two daughters flew up from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to visit da’ Missus and me during the March break.  Joe had purchased two tickets to the Saturday night game and that afternoon while the ladies where out shopping and attending more feminine activities, Joe and I were busy visiting the local pubs and sampling their finest ales.  By the time we left to go to the Air Canada Centre we were 3 sheets to the wind, swaying down Bay St without a care in the world.  We were having a great day and were about to watch the Leafs and Senators.  Hockey Night in Toronto baby!  What could be better? 
 
Once inside the building we made a beeline to the nearest beer dispenser. For those of you who have never bought beer or concessions at the ACC you need to know the process involved.  First there is the shock of seeing the price of the beer.  You could buy a small island off the coast of Mozambique for the cost of a night’s drinking.  Secondly, you mentally begin tallying up what you are willing to go without for the next two weeks until you are paid again.  Finally, after seeing the other patrons around you enjoying the golden elixir you decide that a hockey game without beer is not worth it and hand over the money for two frothy,watered down draft for the price of what you could have bought a premium case of 24 bottles at the local beer store.

With our 2 beers each and wanting to catch the warm up, Joe and I made our way to our seats earlier than most of the other fans at the game.  As the opening puck drop was nearing, our section began filling up pretty quickly.  We both had our first beers finished when a crew of guys dressed in Senators jerseys needed to get to some seats 2 rows below us and decided that the best path to take was past Joe and I.  We both stood up to let the guys through and all except one went by without any trouble.  The last guy in the entourage barrelled into Joe and I knocking our beers out of our hands which led to an exchange along these lines: (Disclaimer -- To keep with puckdrop.ca guidelines, the following re-enactment has been censored to meet a PG rating)
 
Greener and Joe (wiping beer from their jackets and pants): In unison- “What the smurf man!  You just spilled our smurfing beers!”
 
Beer-spiller Senators fan (moving away from us in a rapid fashion):  So what?  Too smurfing bad.  You are at a hockey game.  Smurf poop happens……..
 
Greener:  Smurf poop happens!?!  SMURF POOP HAPPENS!?!  Buddy, you better be getting us 2 more beers……
 
Beer-spiller Senators fan (running down to his seat):  Smurf you!  What are you going to do?  There are 4 of us and 2 of you.
 
Greener:  I don’t give a smurf about your friends buddy.  I am coming after you!  And they will be better off staying out of the way
 
Beer-spiller Senators fan:  Sure you are smurfhole!
 
Full of liquid courage I was incensed!  Spill my beer and then tell me to smurf off!?!  I wanted to run down, grab the guy by the throat and start pummelling his weasel face but Joe kept telling me that he just wanted to see the game and there was no need for trouble.  And as much as that made sense I could not let it go.  I wanted that beer-spiller to pay.  Even if he had just said that he was sorry would have sufficed, but not this guy.  He thought is was okay to knock beers out of peoples hands and laugh at it.  There should be consequences for that type of behaviour.
 
The game started but all I could do was stare at the back of the beer-spillers head.  We went and got more beers, but that did not change the fact that I wanted retribution for my wet clothing and my unfinished beer.  From time to time, the beer-spiller would turn around and see me looking at him, elbow his buddies to draw their attention to us, smirk and laugh.  I was seething rage from every pore.
 
At the 14 minute mark Daniel Alfredsson opened the scoring for the Senators.  As the beer-spiller and his friends cheered below me I sat in stony silence, sipping my beer and plotting my revenge.  By the time the third period started, the Senators had a 3-1 lead and seemed to have the game in the bag.  Seeing that I too was well in the bag I decided it was time to pull off my award-winning Phil Esposito impression from the 1972 Canada -- U.S.S.R Summit Series.  (Please watch the attached video and at the one minute mark, Phil will begin a routine of intimidation)

The next time beer-spiller looked in my direction I caught his attention. I pulled my finger across my throat in a slashing motion, pointed at him and then put up my fists in a mock fight.  This time there was no smirk from beer-spiller.  Instead, fear began to cross his face as he comprehended that I really meant business.  At that very moment a police officer showed up in our section.  Beer-spiller ran right up to her and although I could not hear what he was saying, he was gesturing wildly and pointing directly at me.  “Uh oh” I thought, “this is not going to be good”.  As the officer made her way up to us I could see beer-spiller over her shoulder, pointing at me and laughing.  Thankfully, Joe, despite his afternoon and evening of beer drinking was thinking quick and did all of the talking.
 
Officer: Hello Gentlemen.  There is a man down there who says you are threatening him.  I am going to have to ask you to leave.
 
Joe: My love, I just came up from Nova Scotia to see this game.  That fellow knocked over our beer and we asked him to pay for it.  He cursed at us so yeah, we threatened him, but it was nothing serious.
 
Officer:  Nova Scotia eh?  Where are you from?
 
Joe: Cape Breton.
 
Officer:  I am from Halifax.  Listen boys, because you are from back East and came up to Toronto to see the game I am not going to kick you out.  I know he spilt your beer but let it go and enjoy the game.   Okay?
 
Greener and Joe:  Will do and thank you!
 
As the officer walked away I looked directly at beer-spiller and his look of incomprehension made me laugh.  He just told the cops that we were threatening him and she was on her way to throw us out, but here I was, looking back at him, smiling and mouthing “see you after the game bud”.  He clearly did not see how the tables had turned on him, but they had and he knew that there was no way out.
 
Toronto owned the third period and scored 2 goals to tie up the game.  Despite the shenanigans and drama I wrapped myself up into in the stands, I became really caught up in the action on the ice.  A good battle between two rivals will do that (as will a warning from the cops).  You can forget everything else going on around you and the only thing that matters is the final score.  Heading into overtime I glanced at beer-spiller and did my Esposito impression again just for the hell of it.  Clearly it unnerved him because him and his buddies got up out of their seats.  As they were looking for a way past us, Darcy Tucker scored for Toronto, winning the game.  Joe and I were high-fiving each other and cheering our lungs out along with the other Leafs fans in our section and I never noticed the 4 Sens fans run up the aisle past us.  When I looked down for beer-spiller, he and his friends were long gone. 
 
In the end, my revenge for my spilt beer never came in the form of physical violence.  Instead, it was served when the Sens fans ran out of the building with their tails between their legs and the Leafs winning in overtime.  And in retrospect, that was the best outcome for all.

Greener