Greener’s open letter of apology

Over the past few days I have gotten texts and emails from people asking why I am not blogging more than once or twice a week.  I did not know that there were any people out there wanting to know what I had to say.  In my defence, I went to a concert this week, was hungover at work and had ringing in my ears that only subsided late last night.  So I am sorry about my lackadaisical work ethic and promise to work a little harder at publishing a blog every couple of days.

Whew….that kind of felt good.  While I am at it, there a few other things I should get off my chest as well.  No time like the present.

To McRedWing:  I am sorry that after the Wings went up 2 games to none over the Penguins in the final I told you it was in the bag for Detroit.  I did not mean to get your hopes up there bud.  The stats were there man, the stats were there! 

To my manager: I am so sorry for all the trouble I have gotten you into with HR. 

You know how I hate those stupid self evaluation forms they make us do.  When I get a question like “What would you like your growth opportunities to be“ I can’t help but answer “I would like my growth opportunities to be horns and a tail like Angus Young had on the cover of AC DC’s Highway to Hell album“  Think about it.  It would be so cool to whip out a devil’s tail!  Imagine all the possibilites for mischief and not to mention the wicked rock poses you could pull off playing air guitar.  But it seems that the head of HR does not see it that way and now we have a 3 p.m. meeting with her so you can explain why you allow me to submit these type of answers on my form.  As the great Maxwell Smart used to day, sorry about that chief.

To former NHL’er Mike Danton: I am sorry the system failed you. 

When you got put away for that murder-for-hire plot you so foolishly devised I thought perhaps there was a chance for you to regain control over your life.  Maybe a counselor or a prison psychiatrist would be able to talk to you and make you see that having David Frost in your life was a bad thing.  But 5 years later it is clear that Frost has his hooks in you deeper than ever before.  Frost was one of the only people you would allow to see you in jail and this after he made your life so miserable you wanted him dead.  And now you have the balls to go on TV and say that you hired the hitman to kill your estranged father.  Ummm…Mike, you gave a picture of Frost to the hitman.  The FBI and the D.A. proved that in court.  Did you and Frost think we are that stupid that we would forget that little fact?  Both you and Frost just need to go away and stop tarnishing hockey with your presence.

To the anti-war protestor I punched in the face back in ’91:  I thought you would see the irony in my actions.  You did not and neither did the others around you.  Yeah.  That quickly went bad for everyone.  Sorry for that riot.

To the people next to me at Leafs games: sorry that I like to enjoy myself at sporting events. 

I have a great friend who has access to gold seats at the ACC.  Every now and then I am fortunate to receive tickets to go watch the Leafs in seats that I would have to sell my left kidney on the black market to be able to afford.  The only problem is that the other patrons in the section think we are at some high society event.  Well we are not attending high tea with the Queen nor are we praying with the Pope and the Dali Lama for world peace, so I am going to drink beer, curse to the high heavens at Jason “The Black hole of Offense” Blake and stand up to drunkenly gyrate my hips to the music on the PA system in hopes of getting my face on the big screen.  Too bad that you got tickets to a hockey game and had to sit next to someone enjoying themselves.  One of life’s many injustice’s I guess.  I just wish I had a devil’s tail to torment you with as well.

To da’missus: I don’t think I have done anything lately that I need to apologize for, but one one can never be too careful.  If not, then I hold this apology in reserve for when I will inevitably need it.  I can’t go that long without screwing up somehow. 

To Ottawa Senator fans: I am sorry that you have never had a goalie. 

Well, you did have Ray Emery but he was such a screw up at the time that Bryan Murray would have had him sleeping with the fishes if he thought he could get away with it.  After a years banishment to the hockey hinterlands of the KHL, Emery seems to have gotten his life turned around and is back in the NHL with the Flyers.  Last night he led Philly to a 5-1 victory over the Senators and present Sens goalie Pascal Leclaire turned in a performance reminiscent of Patrick Lalime in the post season against the Leafs.  Well, to be honest I am not really sorry for this.  I like watching the Senators flounder.  It makes the Leafs struggles bearable knowing the Sens are not that much better.

Oh yeah…before I forget, I apologize to Greg Hoskins for tying your shoe laces to the legs of your school desk back in grade four.  You stood up for recess and proceeded to fall over, smashed your face against Shawn Goodyear’s knee and drove your teeth through your bottom lip.  I should have said sorry then but I could not stop laughing.   I have no idea why your and Shawn’s pain and torment was so funny to me that day but it was man, it so was!  Actually, it still makes me laugh now when I think of it.  But I am sorry, really….. I am.

Greener \m/